While I see thes statistics on average more than many who are not looking for them, I have to wonder if they are swayed by the fact that more women tend to recieve custody. This falls under the aspect of "fatherless statistics". .... When even taking statistics 101, or entry to psychology (ive read the text books, learning vicariously from my friends who are in college) the biggest concern for reading data like this is if there is an even playing feild.
The courts generally do give custody to mothers at an extremly higher rate then they give them to fathers. This gives an uneven outlook on these statistics. Could the factor be moreso the workings of sole custody rather than gender??
Without giving custody to fathers evenly we cannot base these numbers merely on gender. Our species is meant to raise children in a family setting, that includes grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Can our minds handle doing it alone??
Unfortunately studies to look into these situations more are not carried out. I can blame this moreso on the fact that our govt stands to make more money by not looking into this and staying on the current path of distruction. There is no money in intact families, there is even less money in equal parenting schedules. We have succumbed to our own government's greed and allowed them to destroy our families.
You can find this and more such comments here.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The Knight in Shining Armor
The Knight in Shining Armor
Once upon a time there was a man, who fell in love with a woman (Emily). Emily had had such a hard life, growing up with child abuse, only to enter into a relationship that involved domestic violence at the tender age of twenty-one, her abuser was twenty-five, and assumed to have grown up with an abusive father.
One day she finally got out!
This man, his name is Scott, moved her and her six month old little girl in with him...Life was so perfect, they went to fine restaurants, he brought her flowers each day after work, they went on weekend vacations to all parts of the world...no more abuse, no more living in squaller for this woman and her tiny child, that was growing rapidly in this now loving home with a mother and father, where no abuse occurred...
Scott even helped her restrain the abusive ex, from mother and child, and asked her to marry him. Soon, this idyllic life was complete and so absolutely perfect.
After the restraint was permanently ordered Scott was able to adopt the baby girl, Kari, now two and give her his last name, and soon after that they had a son, Scotty Jr., life could not get any better for this family of four now.
Emily had her freedom to go where she pleased, do what she wanted, free from her former life of abuse, Scott would sometimes lie awake at night and just watch her sleep, wondering what she would have been had she been left to that monster, male perpetrator, abuser...what his little girl would have turned out like, had he not saved her from that situation.
Emily started going to her mother's off and on when Scotty was around one, staying for a week or more at a time, telling Scott that she just needed a break, which was ok with Scott, after all it was HER mother, and no one can replace family. Although there were times when Emily's mother looked at him funny, he thought maybe she did not like that he did not go to the same church or maybe that he did not make as much money as his step-father-in-law, whom was an attorney.
Scott worked harder, and at Emily's insistence moved closer to her family, he bought a larger home, he bought a better car, he bought a boat, and although it was not comparable to his step-father-in-law's it was still a prized possession, and �bling� to show off to the neighbors. Being in debt like this he worked his way up the ladder, and by the time Scotty was five, he was working sometimes sixty hours a week, rarely home, but this is what Emily wanted...
Sometimes she would get upset and tell him he worked too hard, but so often the very next day he would come home to new purchases, once to a new tennis bracelet she had bought...he felt so proud to be able to provide for his family, especially since Emily had never had such things before.
One day the carpet was swept out from under him. While in his office, a process server showed up with divorce papers, he did not understand, and thought this had to be a mistake, so he called her right away....when she answered, and realized it was him she hung up right away without saying a word.
Scott rushed home, parked on the street, and went up to the front door, it was locked! He tried his key and it did not work...He called her quickly from his cell phone, and although her car was in the drive, there was no answer. Scott dialed her mother's number, when she answered she was in a foul mood, and would not tell him anything, before hanging up she called him a jerk.
Not knowing what to do, he sat down on the top step of the deck, and was sitting there with his head in his hands, when out of the corner of his eye, he saw red, blue, and white light...raising his head up he noticed that there was two police cars now parked surrounding his car. Starting to stand up, an officer growled at him to get on the ground! Stay where he is! Do not move!
Disbelieving this was happening he took a step forward, on weak knees, and was tazed into submission, the pain going from his chest to his entire body...being shackled at his ankles, cuffed behind his back, still reeling from the shock of the tazer. Scott was not fully aware of what had actually happened until he came to his senses in the back of the police car. He tried to ask what was going on and all he got was dirty looks, and ordered to shut up.
After being strip searched, fingerprinted, and booked for the night into county jail, all he could do was sit there, he had no one to call...finally realizing that he had an attorney, he called the same attorney they had used to garner custody of Kari, the secretary told him that the attorney was not able to talk to him, and suggested he find someone new.
The next morning at arraignment, the prosecuting attorney detailed a scenario to the judge involving heinous abuse against Emily and the children, not believing they had the right man, he just sat there stunned, pleading not guilty, and begging to be allowed out of jail, the judge told him no, that he was a danger, even though Scott told him he would lose his job, lose everything, the prosecutor reminded him that he had chosen to do what he did, and now must deal with the consequences.
Scott was held on thirty thousand dollars bail.
He called his parents, and they reminded him that when they were in need, he had moved...he called his brother and sister. His brother was not available, and his sister told him that he already burned his bridges, choosing his wife over his family. He called some friends, they too told him that he had dug his own grave, they could not help him, they knew what a monster he was...they were not about to help an abuser either.
Scott called his employer and tried to pull some of his 401k...he was told that he could not do that, to read the divorce petition. No party was allowed to spend any money...neither party to the divorce was allowed to touch retirement income, or bank accounts, accept for normal living expenses and household bills.
He was served with the restraint petition while in county jail...a week later was the permanent restraint hearing, he showed up to that in handcuffs...the judge ordered the restraint permanent, he could not go within five hundred feet of his home, family, children's daycare, school, etc...
He was fired from the job he had held for ten years a week later, due to the restraint, and charges against him, his company dealt with a lot of children, and families, and they did not want any fall-back from his situation.
Scott sat in jail, and at the hearing Emily brought in witnesses to the abuse, detailing how she had told them daily, and weekly of his abuse, one lady in particular, detailed how she had been told by Emily that he would not let her have any money, that she had to beg and plead, he controlled all the assets. Several of her friends from the Domestic Violence Shelter detailed how she had told them that she suspected child sexual abuse, that they did not want to interview the children to avoid causing them pain, but that Emily told them about the atrocities that happened in their home, on a daily basis.
Scott was sentenced to time served, and when he was released, still restrained from his family, the divorce now final, she got the house, car, children, he was ordered to pay child support, imputed, based on the employment that he had prior to all of this..working now at a fast food place, and a local newspaper, living in a tenement building for now, utilizing the local food bank.
The new man in Emily's life, petitioning to adopt both children, giving Scott those nasty looks, hating him for being a �monster�.... jumping in once again, a Knight in Shining Armor, to save this poor, victim of domestic violence, at the hands of a male abuser...
The moral of the story?
Although all men are raised to be that Knight in Shining Armor, this is what is creating the epidemic of false allegations, and allowing women to get away with them, pitting man against man, removing fathers from children's lives...Our society is being preyed upon by these psycopathic women, and in order to avoid this type of scenario, we now suggest that men refrain from saving women...It is hard to suggest this, however, this seems to be the only way to stop false allegations, abuse of courts, fraudulent restraining orders, etc...and our men are sometimes at fault too for removing these fathers from children's lives, simply by being told one side of the story, and being that Knight in Shining Armor, willing to stand up to protect.
Tami Pepperman
Victim/Child Advocate
Once upon a time there was a man, who fell in love with a woman (Emily). Emily had had such a hard life, growing up with child abuse, only to enter into a relationship that involved domestic violence at the tender age of twenty-one, her abuser was twenty-five, and assumed to have grown up with an abusive father.
One day she finally got out!
This man, his name is Scott, moved her and her six month old little girl in with him...Life was so perfect, they went to fine restaurants, he brought her flowers each day after work, they went on weekend vacations to all parts of the world...no more abuse, no more living in squaller for this woman and her tiny child, that was growing rapidly in this now loving home with a mother and father, where no abuse occurred...
Scott even helped her restrain the abusive ex, from mother and child, and asked her to marry him. Soon, this idyllic life was complete and so absolutely perfect.
After the restraint was permanently ordered Scott was able to adopt the baby girl, Kari, now two and give her his last name, and soon after that they had a son, Scotty Jr., life could not get any better for this family of four now.
Emily had her freedom to go where she pleased, do what she wanted, free from her former life of abuse, Scott would sometimes lie awake at night and just watch her sleep, wondering what she would have been had she been left to that monster, male perpetrator, abuser...what his little girl would have turned out like, had he not saved her from that situation.
Emily started going to her mother's off and on when Scotty was around one, staying for a week or more at a time, telling Scott that she just needed a break, which was ok with Scott, after all it was HER mother, and no one can replace family. Although there were times when Emily's mother looked at him funny, he thought maybe she did not like that he did not go to the same church or maybe that he did not make as much money as his step-father-in-law, whom was an attorney.
Scott worked harder, and at Emily's insistence moved closer to her family, he bought a larger home, he bought a better car, he bought a boat, and although it was not comparable to his step-father-in-law's it was still a prized possession, and �bling� to show off to the neighbors. Being in debt like this he worked his way up the ladder, and by the time Scotty was five, he was working sometimes sixty hours a week, rarely home, but this is what Emily wanted...
Sometimes she would get upset and tell him he worked too hard, but so often the very next day he would come home to new purchases, once to a new tennis bracelet she had bought...he felt so proud to be able to provide for his family, especially since Emily had never had such things before.
One day the carpet was swept out from under him. While in his office, a process server showed up with divorce papers, he did not understand, and thought this had to be a mistake, so he called her right away....when she answered, and realized it was him she hung up right away without saying a word.
Scott rushed home, parked on the street, and went up to the front door, it was locked! He tried his key and it did not work...He called her quickly from his cell phone, and although her car was in the drive, there was no answer. Scott dialed her mother's number, when she answered she was in a foul mood, and would not tell him anything, before hanging up she called him a jerk.
Not knowing what to do, he sat down on the top step of the deck, and was sitting there with his head in his hands, when out of the corner of his eye, he saw red, blue, and white light...raising his head up he noticed that there was two police cars now parked surrounding his car. Starting to stand up, an officer growled at him to get on the ground! Stay where he is! Do not move!
Disbelieving this was happening he took a step forward, on weak knees, and was tazed into submission, the pain going from his chest to his entire body...being shackled at his ankles, cuffed behind his back, still reeling from the shock of the tazer. Scott was not fully aware of what had actually happened until he came to his senses in the back of the police car. He tried to ask what was going on and all he got was dirty looks, and ordered to shut up.
After being strip searched, fingerprinted, and booked for the night into county jail, all he could do was sit there, he had no one to call...finally realizing that he had an attorney, he called the same attorney they had used to garner custody of Kari, the secretary told him that the attorney was not able to talk to him, and suggested he find someone new.
The next morning at arraignment, the prosecuting attorney detailed a scenario to the judge involving heinous abuse against Emily and the children, not believing they had the right man, he just sat there stunned, pleading not guilty, and begging to be allowed out of jail, the judge told him no, that he was a danger, even though Scott told him he would lose his job, lose everything, the prosecutor reminded him that he had chosen to do what he did, and now must deal with the consequences.
Scott was held on thirty thousand dollars bail.
He called his parents, and they reminded him that when they were in need, he had moved...he called his brother and sister. His brother was not available, and his sister told him that he already burned his bridges, choosing his wife over his family. He called some friends, they too told him that he had dug his own grave, they could not help him, they knew what a monster he was...they were not about to help an abuser either.
Scott called his employer and tried to pull some of his 401k...he was told that he could not do that, to read the divorce petition. No party was allowed to spend any money...neither party to the divorce was allowed to touch retirement income, or bank accounts, accept for normal living expenses and household bills.
He was served with the restraint petition while in county jail...a week later was the permanent restraint hearing, he showed up to that in handcuffs...the judge ordered the restraint permanent, he could not go within five hundred feet of his home, family, children's daycare, school, etc...
He was fired from the job he had held for ten years a week later, due to the restraint, and charges against him, his company dealt with a lot of children, and families, and they did not want any fall-back from his situation.
Scott sat in jail, and at the hearing Emily brought in witnesses to the abuse, detailing how she had told them daily, and weekly of his abuse, one lady in particular, detailed how she had been told by Emily that he would not let her have any money, that she had to beg and plead, he controlled all the assets. Several of her friends from the Domestic Violence Shelter detailed how she had told them that she suspected child sexual abuse, that they did not want to interview the children to avoid causing them pain, but that Emily told them about the atrocities that happened in their home, on a daily basis.
Scott was sentenced to time served, and when he was released, still restrained from his family, the divorce now final, she got the house, car, children, he was ordered to pay child support, imputed, based on the employment that he had prior to all of this..working now at a fast food place, and a local newspaper, living in a tenement building for now, utilizing the local food bank.
The new man in Emily's life, petitioning to adopt both children, giving Scott those nasty looks, hating him for being a �monster�.... jumping in once again, a Knight in Shining Armor, to save this poor, victim of domestic violence, at the hands of a male abuser...
The moral of the story?
Although all men are raised to be that Knight in Shining Armor, this is what is creating the epidemic of false allegations, and allowing women to get away with them, pitting man against man, removing fathers from children's lives...Our society is being preyed upon by these psycopathic women, and in order to avoid this type of scenario, we now suggest that men refrain from saving women...It is hard to suggest this, however, this seems to be the only way to stop false allegations, abuse of courts, fraudulent restraining orders, etc...and our men are sometimes at fault too for removing these fathers from children's lives, simply by being told one side of the story, and being that Knight in Shining Armor, willing to stand up to protect.
Tami Pepperman
Victim/Child Advocate
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
"My case" mentality in activism
One thing we must realize is that if we are only focused on personal cases, we will never unify and change anything.
We must overlook our own problems and attack the bigger picture. When media, lobbyists, legislators, politicians, general public, hears us complain from the stand point of "my case" they turn off. They are programmed to treat us like we are whiners, complainers, and worthy of having our children taken from us.
Much of what we go through personally can never be fixed. Even if legislation passes to protect parental rights (such as the amendment to the constitution we are currently lobbying for) we would still have to appeal the cases we have and try to force them to admit they made mistakes.
Im not saying this cannot happen, Im not saying it is impossible, but the reality is that we have to work together and "my case" mentality will never allow us to.......We must not only work towards saving our own children, but to save their children as well.......
We must overlook our own problems and attack the bigger picture. When media, lobbyists, legislators, politicians, general public, hears us complain from the stand point of "my case" they turn off. They are programmed to treat us like we are whiners, complainers, and worthy of having our children taken from us.
Much of what we go through personally can never be fixed. Even if legislation passes to protect parental rights (such as the amendment to the constitution we are currently lobbying for) we would still have to appeal the cases we have and try to force them to admit they made mistakes.
Im not saying this cannot happen, Im not saying it is impossible, but the reality is that we have to work together and "my case" mentality will never allow us to.......We must not only work towards saving our own children, but to save their children as well.......
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Non-custodial support; Why it is not a gender issue....
What is the one thing that those of us who are having problems with the family courts and/or CPS have in common??? We are non-custodial parents
What exactly makes a person non-custodial??
The reason is different for just about every case. Some similarities or methods, but why allow that little difference divide us into cliques??
I was asked why its important for NCDs (non-custodial dads) should support NCMs.......
My question is; Why not?
We need rallies and events on nationwide levels that can be done in whatever town, in whatever state. There are micro-rallies, and lighting candles around the world, fatherless day. After holding a fatherless day rally, I received allot of correspondence asking about or requesting a motherless day. The more rallies the better right?? We do need a unified public demonstration system that is consistent and includes all aspects of what we are protesting for. EQUAL PARENTING
Of course we should try to focus allot of our attention on our state capitol buildings. However, not everyone can always go that far for every rally. Some states' geography makes that difficult. Any of these rallies can be held in your town square and be just as effective......
Motherless day and Fatherless day respectively are based on the holidays; Mothers Day and Fathers Day. We cannot ignore the need for supporting those parents who cannot see their children on these days. No matter what statistics you have, it still hurts regardless of gender. I believe that the biggest thing that is preventing forward progress is how people hold their animosity for their exes and it carries on in how they relate to people of that gender. Until we unify regardless of our pain we will go nowhere.
Lets support each other. We all hurt when we are taken away from our children for no reason. Corruption sees no gender, it only sees $$...... The more we fight, over such petty details the longer it will take for reform. Our true enemies laugh at us all the way to the bank. This will happen until we become a unified force.
What exactly makes a person non-custodial??
The reason is different for just about every case. Some similarities or methods, but why allow that little difference divide us into cliques??
I was asked why its important for NCDs (non-custodial dads) should support NCMs.......
My question is; Why not?
We need rallies and events on nationwide levels that can be done in whatever town, in whatever state. There are micro-rallies, and lighting candles around the world, fatherless day. After holding a fatherless day rally, I received allot of correspondence asking about or requesting a motherless day. The more rallies the better right?? We do need a unified public demonstration system that is consistent and includes all aspects of what we are protesting for. EQUAL PARENTING
Of course we should try to focus allot of our attention on our state capitol buildings. However, not everyone can always go that far for every rally. Some states' geography makes that difficult. Any of these rallies can be held in your town square and be just as effective......
Motherless day and Fatherless day respectively are based on the holidays; Mothers Day and Fathers Day. We cannot ignore the need for supporting those parents who cannot see their children on these days. No matter what statistics you have, it still hurts regardless of gender. I believe that the biggest thing that is preventing forward progress is how people hold their animosity for their exes and it carries on in how they relate to people of that gender. Until we unify regardless of our pain we will go nowhere.
Lets support each other. We all hurt when we are taken away from our children for no reason. Corruption sees no gender, it only sees $$...... The more we fight, over such petty details the longer it will take for reform. Our true enemies laugh at us all the way to the bank. This will happen until we become a unified force.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Who is regjoeschmo???
I am only 27 years old, I can only relate to my own experiences and research. I am wrong on many occasions. Feel free to correct me, but please use facts and resources. I do love a good debate, but arguments get everyone nowhere.
My main issues stem from my life as it is right now. I won't go into details for the sake of the innocent, but I am actively involved in family law reform. Unfortunately the best interests of our children are being overlooked in a majority of high conflict divorce/custody cases. So what can we do when two parents do not get along?? How can a mediator or judge adequately discern who is the "better parent"??
Therein lies our biggest problem......How can anyone determine a "better parent"??? This is not the job of these state/county officials, but so many times it is expected of them. We need to pass legislation that prevents the need for court decisions where there is no need for intervention. This will also grant the courts the ability to make adequate decisions when they do need to intervene.
For those of you who have been in the family court system, I ask; How many times have you seen the courtroom overloaded?? Would it be easier to ask; How many times have you seen less than 10 cases being seen on the day your case is presented to the court??
Im going to leave those questions open ended for now.
I personally believe that this corruption we hear so much about is not based solely on gender. I honestly feel that not every employee of the family court are using the SS Title IV-D as their main reason for their actions.
Does this mean I do not believe that these two situations do not happen?? No......I have seen gender bias, I have seen decisions made primarily on SS Title IV-D funding.
We as citizens are constantly asking for people to not generalize or discriminate against us, yet we are constantly doing so to others. If we outright blame every judge, every caseworker, every mediator for the actions of the others, we will only accomplish defeating our own movement.
We should not have to prove ourselves "fit" as parents, we should be proven "unfit" by proper application of due process. There is no assurance of this, and no accountability of those who do violate our basic constitutional rights.
Every child loves their parent no matter what. That is unless they are told otherwise. Without a standard of shared parenting we will continue to ruin our children. If you dont agree with this please read this article: http://www.apa.org/releases/custody2.html
Many statistics can be used to show that single parent households make for sociological chaos. Here in America the statistics mostly used are called "fatherless statistics"..... I (as a father) do not like to use such terms. Statistics can be made to say things they do not actually say by putting certain titles on them.
Do not let this statement let you think that I deny that a majority of women in America get sole custody, and this is detrimental to our children. My reasoning is that while these statistics are based on a biased standard, an evaluation of them is also biased. What will happen to our children without mothers???
What we do know is that children are better off with both parents in their lives. Parents as well are better off with their children in their lives as well.
My main issues stem from my life as it is right now. I won't go into details for the sake of the innocent, but I am actively involved in family law reform. Unfortunately the best interests of our children are being overlooked in a majority of high conflict divorce/custody cases. So what can we do when two parents do not get along?? How can a mediator or judge adequately discern who is the "better parent"??
Therein lies our biggest problem......How can anyone determine a "better parent"??? This is not the job of these state/county officials, but so many times it is expected of them. We need to pass legislation that prevents the need for court decisions where there is no need for intervention. This will also grant the courts the ability to make adequate decisions when they do need to intervene.
For those of you who have been in the family court system, I ask; How many times have you seen the courtroom overloaded?? Would it be easier to ask; How many times have you seen less than 10 cases being seen on the day your case is presented to the court??
Im going to leave those questions open ended for now.
I personally believe that this corruption we hear so much about is not based solely on gender. I honestly feel that not every employee of the family court are using the SS Title IV-D as their main reason for their actions.
Does this mean I do not believe that these two situations do not happen?? No......I have seen gender bias, I have seen decisions made primarily on SS Title IV-D funding.
We as citizens are constantly asking for people to not generalize or discriminate against us, yet we are constantly doing so to others. If we outright blame every judge, every caseworker, every mediator for the actions of the others, we will only accomplish defeating our own movement.
We should not have to prove ourselves "fit" as parents, we should be proven "unfit" by proper application of due process. There is no assurance of this, and no accountability of those who do violate our basic constitutional rights.
Every child loves their parent no matter what. That is unless they are told otherwise. Without a standard of shared parenting we will continue to ruin our children. If you dont agree with this please read this article: http://www.apa.org/releases/custody2.html
Many statistics can be used to show that single parent households make for sociological chaos. Here in America the statistics mostly used are called "fatherless statistics"..... I (as a father) do not like to use such terms. Statistics can be made to say things they do not actually say by putting certain titles on them.
Do not let this statement let you think that I deny that a majority of women in America get sole custody, and this is detrimental to our children. My reasoning is that while these statistics are based on a biased standard, an evaluation of them is also biased. What will happen to our children without mothers???
What we do know is that children are better off with both parents in their lives. Parents as well are better off with their children in their lives as well.
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